The Heiress

            I fucked up, it should’ve never come to this, James thought with gritted teeth during a brief pause. A distant grenade blast nearly ruptured his eardrums; he could feel the vibrations of many more men running in his team’s direction. The spy gestured his teammates’ positions before running to his own within the giant mansion they were infiltrating. James broke one of the second-story windows, making it look as if he had jumped out and escaped, when he actually remained tethered to the ledge just out of sight with his feet propped against the outside wall.

            Following a dozen armed Chinese men storming the foyer, searching for James’s men, Meixiu Shao herself strutted into sight. She was an overwhelmingly beautiful, rich, and intelligent Chinese woman who commanded a large portion of New York’s underground heroin traffic. Her family had been rumored to have been in the business for decades, although her actual history was shrouded in mystery. The first and only mistake she had made in her life up to this point was partnering with a new arms dealer, as the dealer gave up her own location when taken down by the CIA, leading to tonight’s infiltration for her arrest.  

            “Shoot anything that moves,” Meixiu commanded her men in Mandarin. A tense moment passed as the grunts looked for James and his team in the dark. “Find them!” she yelled, not allowing them to pause for a moment. Understanding the language, James realized that this was his time to strike. A brief window where Meixiu wasn’t completely guarded had opened. He reeled in his harness and leapt up through the broken window, shooting Meixiu in the shoulder with perfect accuracy. By the time her scream had rung out and her men had turned back toward her, it was too late; James was holding her with an arm around her neck, blocking his own body, with his other hand pressing the gun to her temple.

            Meixiu’s men hesitated, as they had never had to handle a hostage situation before. “I’ll blow her goddamn brains out on any sudden movements, you understand?!” James bellowed, hoping that they would fall for – or even understand – his bluff, as he needed her alive. When the grunts began to run forward, James’s team emerged from the shadows, triggering an all-out firefight. James dragged the Chinese supervillain backwards into a hallway to avoid any stray bullets.

            Despite her injury, Meixiu was laughing to herself when James’s chokehold eased. “Keep laughing bitch, you’re done.” James grunted, glancing where he could for a large enough window to escape from. “You American dogs are all the same,” Meixiu panted in English with a heavy accent. “You want to take me to your master for a cute little reward. I am almost feeling embarrassed for you.” Meixiu’s hands fell to her sides. Without warning, her arms swung back and she dug her fingertips into James’s sides. The bottoms of her long fingernails were lined with perfectly fitted blades that sliced right through his bulletproof vest and skin. James hardly realized what had happened until she clawed upward, cutting gaping wounds into his sides.

            One of James’s men heard his yell and Meixiu’s subsequent scream from when he smashed her in the head with his pistol. The firefight between Meixiu’s bodyguards and James’s team had nearly finished with evenly downed bodies on both sides. James’s agent Felix ran towards him to see Meixiu claw more flesh from his chest in frenzied self-defense. He gripped his gun with shaky hands. “Don’t!” James yelled, noticing Felix too late into his battle. Two bullets fired into Meixiu’s back, one of which also hit James in the leg. James was too wounded to exert any further energy, falling unconscious as his last remaining teammate shot a third and final bullet into the back of Meixiu’s head.

            James and his teammate woke up in a government-issued ambulance. Both were barely on the brink of survival. “We needed her alive…” he moaned a few minutes after getting his bearings straight. “We needed you alive, man,” Felix replied with an equally groggy voice. “We didn’t get what we came for, I know. But we fuckin’ won. We took down a Shao,” he continued, beginning to chuckle to himself in admiration. James thought hard about what had happened. He thought about how careless he was in infiltrating Meixiu’s mansion, as he had underestimated the number of bodyguards she would have. He thought about all the men that died on his watch. Then, he thought about the briefcase of tools and files he had collected from the mansion before the fight broke out.

            “Hey, I had a case,” James said, craning his neck around the ambulance to look for it. “We need that, it’s all we have of Shao now.” Felix looked at him with a blank expression. “Anything we had was definitely collected by backup,” Felix replied, “don’t worry about it.” James rested his head back, feeling defeated. “Fuck…” That briefcase having unknown whereabouts was giving him a very bad feeling.

            “Holy shit, she’s dead? Dead dead?” I said to myself one morning, reading a company-wide email that was sent out hailing James and Felix as heroes for taking down Meixiu Shao. “These guys are spies though, something must’ve…hmm.” I scratched my head, thinking of what could have happened as I poured my coffee. As someone who had only been working at the CIA for a few months, I idolized the idea of being like Felix or James, going out on dangerous field missions. Alas, I was only a lowly bureaucrat that kept e-mails, cybersecurity, and data analysists in check to ensure that the day-to-day activities always ran smoothly for the higher-ups.

            I heard a lot of commotion going around early that morning near the shipping dock. I didn’t think anything of it until I saw an ambulance and heard one of the people say something about Meixiu and her data. There must’ve been a miscommunication on where to drop off the data James and Felix left with, because this building certainly wasn’t it. A small argument occurred; the medical team refused to take it to the hospital because they were afraid of the information putting patients in danger if someone were to come for it, and they didn’t have time to make rounds to other branches. Clearly annoyed, our shipping/receiving guy slammed the briefcase onto the table and went out for a smoke break.

            “That’s it? One briefcase” I whispered to myself, awkwardly peeking in and out of the window to the shipping dock while pretending that I was doing something else on my phone. I had butterflies in my stomach. I knew I shouldn’t have gone in, but I was so curious as to what a supervillain’s information looked like. Would it be stacks of papers? Evidence for crimes? Samples of evildoing? I thought to myself. Trying my best to walk in casually while still being tense, I opened the briefcase, praying that the guy wouldn’t come back in for a few more minutes.  

            The briefcase’s interior looked like a mess of old toys. I had no idea what I was looking at. I cautiously picked up a few things; a few translucent orbs, a dagger whose blade was so curved that it looked comical, a fake fingernail with a nearly microscopic razor underneath it that was perfectly fitted to the nail’s curvature… I felt like I should’ve been excited, but I was underwhelmed. I wanted more information more than I did a few weird objects. The last thing I picked up was a small cylindrical thing with a needle poking out of it. It had the general shape of a syringe, but the innards were contained within stainless steel, and there was no piston to press. “I guess it could be a dart?” I yawned, ready to get back to work. I heard a rustle and some footsteps from outside, spiking my anxiety back up. Afraid of being caught, I fumbled and dropped the object down onto my forearm. The needle pricked my skin. I threw it back into the briefcase and locked it before hurriedly walking out.

            Shit, I’m still bleeding, I thought, constantly licking the small amount of blood off my arm that continued to well up. This kept up for a long ten minutes, and I was getting lightheaded. Unbeknownst to me, hundreds of thousands of nanobots were contained in that tool, all of which were now in my bloodstream spreading out through my entire body. I was tense and uneasy throughout the rest of the day.

            I woke up the next morning feeling a lot better. The prick on my arm was on its way to healing, and from the look of my e-mail inbox, I didn’t seem to be in trouble for peeking into the suitcase. I figured it was going to another normal day at the office until the main joint in my right index finger suddenly snapped and inverted while I was typing. “Ow!” I yelled from the sheer surprise before the pain registered. The joints in my other fingers began to follow suit, causing me to flail backwards in both pain and panic as if my hands were alien creatures. Heads were starting to peek out of nearby cubicles. Afraid of causing a scene, I ran to the restroom as fast as I could, clenching my teeth and holding back tears.

            The skin around my hands and wrists tightened as every bone in them felt like they were breaking and reforming. I could barely look at the horrific scene of the joints inverting and spasming, I could only focus on holding back the yelling and shouting I wanted to unleash. My hands and wrists were becoming much smaller and softer, with my blocky nails elongating into graceful ovals. Panting, the pain had finally begun to fade after the longest three minutes of my life. I looked at my hands, which couldn’t stop shaking, realizing that something was very wrong with me.

            “W-What are these…” I mumbled. Knocks rapped at the door, scaring me half to death. “You okay buddy?” I heard someone call from the other side. “Yeah…yeah,” I replied as confidently as I could. I held my hands up in front of my face in the mirror, very cautiously touching them to my body as if they could burn me. What happened to my hands…

            It took me a few minutes to calm my nerves and walk back into the hallway with my hands shoved into my pockets. I tried to get back to work, but I couldn’t focus – especially when my job almost exclusive involved typing on a keyboard. I walked outside and made a call to my doctor, hoping to schedule an appointment ASAP. I didn’t know the best way to explain my problem. “My hands look different, smaller…they were in a lot of pain before. The joints were breaking, I think…” “Is this an emergency? Are you okay?” the nurse asked me. “I-I don’t know. I feel okay now, but they still look so weird…” “We can take a look on Monday at 8 AM if that’s okay.” Yes! I thought. Today was Thursday, so surely I could make it through the weekend. “Sounds great, thanks so much!” I said happily.

            I tried not to think about my hands for the rest of the day, but it was tough. They looked so disproportionate to my upper arms, and my forearms had a weird warping to them due to my wrists shrinking. I couldn’t play video games without constantly noticing them, so I zoned out on YouTube for the rest of the evening, eager to get into the weekend. Unfortunately for me, the same phenomenon happened again as I was getting ready for bed – this time to my feet and ankles.

            I screamed and shouted in pain as I felt – and this time, heard – the bones breaking and crunching within my flesh. I writhed on the floor while straining my body in every direction in an attempt to alleviate just a little of the torture, unable to watch my feet and ankles shrink similarly to my hands and wrists. My second toes shrunk down, becoming smaller than my large toes, giving my dainty feet a more angular shape, and my ankles thinned and warped my calves to a point where they could barely support my weight. “God fucking damnit!” I cried, “what the hell is this shit?! Why is this happening?!”

            I barely slept that night. I felt as if my whole body was going to collapse at any point without warning if this kept up. I was this close to not going to work, but I pulled myself out to get it done since I knew I was going to be missing half of Monday. My little feet didn’t fit in my shoes, so I had to walk extra slowly to avoid attention. During lunch, my phone rang – it was my girlfriend, Katy. “We still on for tomorrow, hun?” she asked. I paused, having completely forgotten that tomorrow was our 6-month anniversary. “Yes! For sure, lookin’ forward to it babe,” I replied. We had a pleasant conversation; she was almost enough to take my mind off of things. Taking a deep breath, I thought, things are going great. I’m going into a weekend, I’m gonna see Katy, doctor is on Monday…everything is going to be fine.

            Throughout the day, I felt uncomfortable prickling throughout my body, either inside or outside. It came in waves, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as what had happened yesterday. I could barely sleep that night through a pounding headache, but I managed to get at least 6 hours. Come Saturday morning, I was relieved that I had gone over 24 hours without another episode. The intermittent prickling hadn’t stopped, but it wasn’t going to be enough to stop me from enjoying Katy’s company. Although it was only autumn, I insisted on wearing gloves the whole time so she wouldn’t notice my hands. We hooked up in the afternoon for a walk that led into an early dinner. Then, we came back to my apartment for some Netflix.

            By the time Netflix had recommended the next episode, Katy and I were already toying with each other on the couch. I was happy that I was able get her going despite wearing gloves, but she was doing most of the work for both of us. We slowly pulled each other’s clothes off as we made our way to my bed. I playfully moved her hands away whenever she tried to get at my gloves or my socks. Thankfully, she continued to arouse me through these awkward phases. Once I had her in her underwear on the bed, I felt something happening inside my head.

            I had always been a timid lover, as Katy was my first. It took us a few tries for me to even pop her cherry way back when, as I hesitated when her ows squeaked through her lips. But, tonight felt different. Seeing her beneath me made me harder than it ever had in the past, even through my condom. With forceful hands, I flipped her onto her stomach before raising her ass into the air, giving it a hard smack as I spat on her pussy. “Mmmm…” she moaned in anticipation. With a sensual grunt, I got to work like an animal. The only thought I had was to impregnate this bitch with my seed. I choked her, pulled her hair, and twisted her arms before unloading my world-record climax.

            Katy was screaming louder than the shut-up bangs coming from the sides of my apartment wall. As we cooled down, I looked at her like a caveman would look at a rack of tits, with my only regret being that I had to cum into rubber instead of her. We flopped on top of each other panting unbelievably hard.

            “I don’t think I’ve ever seen that side of you…” Katy cooed. Why are you talking to me? was my first thought – then, I caught myself. “Did you like it?” I whispered back with a cheeky grin. “God yes…I didn’t even know sex could feel that good.” Katy nibbled on my bottom lip, completely and utterly infatuated with me. I let out a big happy sigh, having completely forgotten about my deformations until I felt the prickling come back moments later. Katy nestled into me to fall asleep. I kept adjusting myself, hoping that the discomfort could leave me alone for just one more night. The sensations slowly concentrated around my hips and shoulders, putting me into a cold sweat.

            “Fuck…fuck, fuck, fuck,” I mumbled, wanting so bad to fall asleep with my girlfriend while also being so afraid of having another episode with her. After a while, I reluctantly woke her up. “Hey baby,” I whispered, “I just remembered I have to get some prescriptions to my mom tonight…I know, awful son. But I gotta get up.” With sleepy eyes, Katy smiled at me and told me to go – but she didn’t make any indication of getting off my bed. “Do you wanna get home?” I asked, still maintaining a soft, pleasant voice. “Nooo, I’ll sleep here,” she said. She looked and sounded so cute; it was breaking my heart in trying to get her up.

            I could feel a few brief tremors throughout my body. I hate this so much! “Baby, I’m really sorry, but it’s really important…I might have to stay with mom for a few days,” I lied through my teeth. Katy had started to wake up a little more with a clearly unamused face. “Fine,” she huffed. I don’t know if she bought my story, but she picked up her clothes without giving me a second glance. My body shook suddenly. “I’m just as annoyed as you babe, but we’ll do this a-again soon, I promise…” I said. She smiled out of politeness, but I could feel her disappointment.

            I grabbed Katy’s shoulders with shaky gloved fingers and dryly kissed her forehead. “T-Text me when you’re h-home sa-safe,” I stuttered. “Hun, are you feeling okay?” Katy asked, looking into my paler-than-usual face. “Yeah!” I propped myself up. “Just gotta…stay w-with mom. Sorry, just a little worried…” Thankfully, Katy at least left me with a genuine smile, beginning to believe that something was actually amiss from my behavior.

            The second she was out the door, I threw my gloves and socks off. My hips, shoulders, arms, and legs were killing me, and the increasingly cold sweat was doing anything but helping. “Not again, not again, not again, not again,” I kept repeating, tensely rocking myself on the floor in a ball. A deafening crack erupted from my back, breaking my formation and shooting me onto the floor in a clump. Through ringing ears, I barely heard my bones grinding against one another before the next crunch that came from a shoulder blade. My body spasmed on the floor, and my consciousness faded in and out as my body shrunk, slimmed, and forcefully brought my rounding shoulders closing together. The very essence of life itself felt like it was evaporating from my arms as they developed a dainty plumpness that smothered out all traces of masculinity, including my body hair.

            It wasn’t too long before more stomach-churning snaps filled the room. The fat in my stomach rumbled like aggressive waves before being forcefully drained into my lower body, which made me vomit onto my carpet. My waist pinched and tightened as my pelvis widened, stretching my skin to its absolute limits while my tissue and fat adapted all around, filling my thighs and ass with supple fat in contrast to my calves which finished slenderizing proportionate to my ankles.

            I tossed and turned on the floor as much as I could trying to avoid putting my face into my own puke. Once on my back, I shouted at the top of my lungs, falling fully unconscious as my body continued to change and tweak itself. Blood sputtered out of my penis as it began to diminish and harden, and my scrotum wrapped my balls tight, which would’ve been torturous for hours if I hadn’t fainted. By the time I woke up the next morning, my genitals were a fused mess of incomprehensible matter, and my arms, legs, and overall body frame were undeniably feminine.

            As if waking up to that nightmare wasn’t bad enough, I soon had to deal with the fact that my bladder was about to explode and I had no urethra to piss out of. I sat on the toilet, tightening my body with clenched fists, trying so hard to pee as if I were taking a constipated shit. After a long and sweaty five minutes, I heard a faint schlick, and urine poured out of me like a waterfall, finally bringing me the smallest sensation of relief. I looked at my naked body in the mirror with horror and disgust. Why do I look like a girl? Did I really get shorter? Is that what happened last night? What the hell is going on? I couldn’t stop my mind from racing. My body also had significantly red stretch marks all along my torso, back, and thighs from last night’s ordeal.

            With my full attention on my tense and sensitive body, I had the misfortune of gluing my eyes to whatever was happening at my crotch. It happened slowly over the course of an hour, but the amalgamation of skin and folds eventually became something tight and coherent. Elastic vaginal walls formed within me, opening up into the world with hot air between fully formed labia when I pulled them apart in horror.

            I didn’t know what to believe anymore. This obviously had to be a dream, I couldn’t just have a vagina. I couldn’t just have a lithe, hairless body that made me smaller than my girlfriend. I couldn’t just have… I broke down crying on the floor, feeling as if I was going to die. I wept in anxiety and confusion for hours before I could form coherent thoughts again. My doctor’s appointment is tomorrow, but this is…fuck, I can’t go like this, can I? No matter how much I reminded myself that ‘doctors have seen everything,' I had serious doubts about this scenario. Nothing was on the internet about it. Men didn’t just grow pussies overnight.

            I prayed to God to save me. I looked up every god related to love and fertility and prayed to them, too, begging for forgiveness. I couldn’t talk to anyone about this. I felt completely trapped. To prevent myself from going completely stir-crazy, I forced myself to walk to a nearby park, struggling with every step in clothing and shoes that had become too large. Once I was on a bench, I breathed a sigh of relief, feeling oh-so slightly more human.

            Stupid American pig was my first thought whenever I saw someone slightly overweight, which was then followed by me telling myself not to judge others just because my own life was getting rough. I scrolled through my phone a bit, only now seeing Katy’s text from when she arrived home. I opened a picture of her. Smiling, I regretted missing my opportunity to impregnate her. Okay, I need to calm down, I thought right after, focusing my mind to think about how much fun we had, both last night and over the course of our 6-moth relationship. 

            Shortly after I got back home, I received a text from an unknown number. “Welcome back, Meixiu,” it read. I froze in place, dropping my phone and cracking its screen. Meixiu. The name was caught in my mind like a bear trap. I looked up information about her online, but there were only rumors and no photos. Meixiu. I thought back to the day where this hell all began. I touched those orbs, were they imbued with magic? I touched all those tools. I pricked my arm with that needle… Meixiu. Meixiu did this to me.

            I was scared shitless at the thought of facing her, but she was dead. And I had a lead – or at least, a good theory – on why these things had been happening to me. Some small semblance of control had returned to my life, which I needed more than anything. Before bed, I could feel my blood begin to boil. I tried to stay calm with my newly deduced theory, but it was impossible not to scream in agony when the nanobots concentrated their efforts on my face. It felt like thousands of tiny needles were being poked into my eyes as my eyelids were reformed, smothering out into Epicanthic folds, while my blue irises simultaneously drowned in a deep, dark brown.

            I stuffed a pillow in my mouth and ripped tufts of hair out in agony, praying for tomorrow. The torture lasted deep into the night. Sometime during the ordeal, my body began to feel like it was set on fire. My Caucasian skin tone roasted into a deep oriental yellow, and my pink nipples burnt into a crispy brown as they slightly grew and budded. It must’ve been around 2-3 AM when one of my neighbors kicked my door open. I must’ve forgot to lock it after seeing that text.

            “Man, you outta shut the hell up! My wife an’ I been dealin’ with this shit for days,” the man yelled into the living room, looking for me. I was crying and writhing on my bed, barely registering what was happening over the sheer pain of my metamorphosis. It wasn’t long before the man came into my room and flipped the light switch, revealing my full Asian, half male body. He walked up to me to turn me around, yelling in the process: “It’s quiet hours, ya hear me?!” When I felt his hand touch my shoulder, something flipped. I became an animal.

            I spun up immediately, adrenaline boosting me through my pain. “You think you’ve dealt with anything?! ANYTHING?!” I roared with a cracking voice, squeezing his throat as hard as I could with both hands and pushing him backwards into the wall. My computer fell over in the struggle. I kneed him in the groin before choking him out to unconsciousness. Dogs! Goddamned American dogs! The rush had taken me over, I wanted to grab a knife and kill him on the spot. The scary part is, I would have done it if it weren’t for the commotion beginning to form outside. Walking into my living room, I could hear a lot of people talking and moving in their apartments. “911…police…screaming…violent…” My apartment wasn’t safe anymore. Clenching my jaw, I grabbed clothes, my keys, and my phone and ran down to my car. I drove myself far away as the tension from the transformation finally began to lift. Sheer exhaustion was the only reason I was able to sleep that night.

            I slept several hours past my doctor’s appointment, but I didn’t care. When my phone no longer unlocked from facial recognition, I knew the thought of seeing someone about this was hopeless anyway. The sunlight gave me my first real look at my new Asian skin. It had wiped away all of the unnatural stretch marks and scars and all of the lingering body hair. My face still looked somewhat masculine, and my pecs were soft but still there – however, everything else about me had been completely erased, hidden under the guise of an Asian female. Meixiu. Her name kept playing back in my head. When I focused my thoughts, I almost felt like I could remember things that hadn’t happened to me. I had vivid imagery of being a poor girl growing up in China, only to move to the US to be met with racial slurs, prejudice, and rape. I started crying again, both from the memories and from control having been ripped away from me once again. If I was found, I was going to be arrested, maybe even cut open by some doctor due to how much of a freakshow I was.

            I wallowed in my car for hours as the early afternoon rolled around. I checked my work email through my phone. There were a lot of pings from my manager. I also saw an email stating that James and Felix had made full recoveries and would be returning to work. Bastards. They’re all bastards. I thought back to when I was at work last week, recalling all of Meixiu’s things I had touched. My almond eyes widened when I realized something important. My male fingerprints were all over Meixiu’s tools.

            They’re gonna find me, I thought. They’re gonna link my fingerprints to my disappearance and to my…this. I thought about my feminine body. I’m fucking done for. As if I weren’t already, I guess… As much as I wanted to continue my self-loathing pity party, I had to do something before the day was over. I had one safe place in mind, and it would only be available for a few more hours. I drove to my girlfriend’s apartment, letting myself in with the spare key I knew she had under the mat. I had to swallow my pride, but I was absolutely sick of feeling like I was swimming in my own clothing.

            I dug through Katy’s closet and picked out a few of her old smaller clothes that she had outgrown over the years. Shorts, tank tops, yoga pants, T-shirts, I tried on as much as I could in combination with some satin panties. Most of it felt uncomfortably revealing and made me feel vulnerable, but they also made me feel good, a feeling I desperately needed. At just the right angle with the right pose, I could even say I looked pretty good. I’ll pay her back later, I thought, stuffing everything that I was going to take in a bag. I had a few more hours before she’d come home from work, and I had to think about where to go next. Sitting on her bed and looking through her bedside drawers, I noticed a small pink device. It had a peculiar shape, and bzzzt’d when I pressed its tiny button.

            Don’t do it, don’t fucking do it, I told myself. I toyed around with it in my hands for a few minutes. I’m a man and I’m going to fix this, damn it. Despite my best efforts, I found myself lying on my back with my panties down. Just once, a once-in-a-lifetime event, I bargained with myself once I finally gave in. Bzzzzt! My mouth hung open with my eyes closed, tracing my wet pussy with the vibrator. My clit was on fire. I thought about Katy for a long ten minutes, coming closer and closer to climax…and then… Nothing. All of my excitement drained, and I was left unsatisfied.

            I paced around the room for a while longer only to find myself back on the bed to try again within the half hour. This time, I tried a combination of buttering myself up on the outside before poking the vibrator in. My hymen made it way too difficult to fully insert. I began to sweat, swearing under my breath and biting my lower lip. “Owh, ow, oh fuck owh…!” Tears welled in my eyes. I was inflicting so much pain to myself that I hardly even felt the fat and tissue beginning to bolster within my chest. I was so wet, horny, and determined to make this work, screaming in pain and pleasure as I finally broke through! 

            My eyes were in the back of my head, and I had completely lost my ability to think as this fuckin’ thing bzzzt’d within me. My little hand pushed, pulled, and swiveled the thing all around. Imagery of getting fucked hard by Chinese men entered my subconscious, giving me an unnatural air of familiarity with finishing myself off and leaving Katy’s sheet absolutely drenched. I hadn’t even noticed when my other hand moved up to pinch and squeeze my small, newly developed breasts with their dark puffy nipples.

            As I was still recovering, my jaw locked in place. It felt like a million ants were crawling on me as the bridge of my nose was forcefully flattened into my face. It hurt like hell, but I must have been used to it at this point because I embraced it. Turning the vibrator back on also helped. I moaned as loud as I could through plumping lips that shaped perfectly beneath my heightening cheekbones that sent loud creeeaks into my ears. My short blond hair darkened as it grew and sprawled out all over the pillows, and I couldn’t even recognize the sounds I was making as my Adam’s apple melted down into my throat. Having come this far, not even the booming cracks in my jaw that defined a new rounded face shape could stop me from rocking this bed hard into the wall.

            It felt like an eternity before I could think and breathe properly again. I didn’t want to think about what I’d just done despite feeling so good, so I mindlessly hopped into the shower. As I ran my soapy hands along my breasts, held my long, straight hair, and caressed my face, I had a good feeling that my torture had finally ended. Meixiu. The Asian character that stared back at me in the mirror was fully and utterly female. I didn’t have the energy to process anything for awhile. Before Katy returned home from work, I had gathered all of my stolen clothing and was back to driving in my car with no destination.

            Late that night, I tried falling asleep in the back seat. It was always a challenge with all the thoughts racing through my head. A knock on my car window practically gave me a heart attack. A man was looking and talking at me. I screamed at him over his words, so he raised his voice. I wasn’t comprehending anything he was saying, but when I heard repeated Meixius, I began to calm down and enter a new state of freaked out. I got out on the other side of the car forgetting that I was only wearing panties and a T-shirt, shivering as the cold wind brushed by my bare legs.

            “Meixiu, what are you doing here? Are you finished?” The man spoke to me in Mandarin. “Who the hell are you?!” I spat back in Mandarin without even realizing my fluency. “Mao. You took longer than expected. I was worried that the nanobots were malfunctioning or that something had happened.” I stared with wide eyes, completely unsure of what to say or how to react. When I demanded that he explained, he chuckled. “I had a feeling you were not the next designated Meixiu. It’s unfortunate that the last one couldn’t even die properly.”

            The man got into my car, demanding that I sit to get out of the cold. “I don’t know how you got my nanobots, but here are the facts. You are Meixiu Shao. You are a big player in New York’s heroin trafficking, and you have a lot of pissed clients to appease after your prolonged absence. This isn’t the first time Meixiu has been reborn, so most of them know what to expect. They’re not used to being left in the dark for this long, however. It doesn’t matter if you were a layperson in your past life, you should have Meixiu’s biological brain by now. If this does not ring any bells for you now, it will soon.”

            My breathing was heavy. I still didn’t know what to say, but some of what he was telling me struck true. The more I thought about Meixiu, the more I found myself digging up memories I never had. I remembered the plane flight from China to the US from decades ago. I remembered learning English as a second language, and American kids making fun of my accent even into adulthood. And I remembered being utterly disgusted at the thought of any non-Chinese person having more power and influence than me.

            “…I’m scared,” I finally peeped. “I’m not Meixiu, I can’t be. I can’t do any of this.” I curled up and cried into my knees. Mao placed a hand on my back. “Do not show this kind of emotion to your allies. In developing your nanobots, I’ve witnessed other Meixius face similar hesitation even when they were prepared for it. If anyone else sees you like this…well, it will not be good for their confidence in your ability to deliver. I will update your shareholders, but I implore you to face your reality soon. You have no other option unless you’d prefer a life-long jail cell. Not even our own men in the police force could prevent a disaster from a reckless Meixiu.”

            Mao pulled out a pen and paper, writing down multiple addresses. “You have mansions and houses at all of these locations, fully loaded with bodyguards awaiting your return. Feel free to visit any of them. Just do it soon.” Then, Mao left me alone, driving off to who-knows-where. I focused my thoughts on the addresses. Memories of the luxurious mansions came to mind, but I couldn’t bring myself to drive for the rest of the night. It was all simply too unreal.

            “I work for the CIA. If I’m Meixiu…I-I have to turn myself in,” I said to myself switching back to English, still not used to the sound of my voice. “I fucked everything up. Nanobots…it must’ve been that dart. Damn it all to hell…” I flipped my long hair out of my face as I readjusted myself on my back, running a hand down my silky body as my legs brushed against one another. Turn myself in…and rot in a white prison. The thought made me want to cut my own tongue out. I battled with this emotional whiplash throughout the rest of the night, barely catching a wink of sleep.

            The next morning, as I thought about what to do, the fingerprints on Meixiu’s tools came back to mind. When this thought led to being tracked, the unnatural anger from last night rushed right back. I glanced at the addresses Mao gave me. The last thing I wanted to do was interact with people, but if I truly had the guise of a crime lord, I felt the need to use it if only to save my ass.

            I pulled into one of the mansions, then quickly put on a pair of jeans in the car. I hated how I looked in the mirror, but I didn’t have a choice. “Hello?” I said to the speaker box in front of the gate in Mandarin, nervous as hell. My name was asked for. “…Shao Meixiu.” The gates opened, fully letting my car in. A line of masked men crept out of the mansion and out from the bushes to greet me. “Welcome home, madam,” they all said with a bow. I looked at the men with a smile, forming the impression that they would be willing to die for me if asked.

            I walked into the mansion with starry eyes, awestruck at the diamond-studded walls, hand rails, and chandeliers. I reminded myself that I had no time to waste, and that I was only here for one specific purpose, but I couldn’t help myself from giddily looking into each lavish room, eventually finding Meixiu’s bedroom with all of her clothes and makeup. Wanting to look good and presentable for the only order I wanted to give as a crime lord, my body’s muscle memory got to work in dolling and moisturizing myself up. I donned a sleeveless red-and-black qipao with a long slit on its bottom right that let my legs breathe while teasing them to onlookers. Looking this good was giving me the confidence I needed.

            I cleared my throat as I re-entered the foyer at the top of the staircase. “Hello, everyone,” I said meekly in Mandarin. Nothing happened. Taking a deep breath, I tried again, bringing my voice to that of a booming commander. “Attention everyone!” All of the bodyguards inside immediately left their posts and lined up in rows at the bottom of the staircase like an assembly. “A briefcase containing Meixiu’s tools was taken on the day of her death, I’m sure you’re all aware. Sometime last week, it was at this branch of the CIA, which can be organically accessed using this key fob,” I threw my key fob onto the ground in front of them. “I don’t know where it is now, but find it at all costs. This is an order to ensure my safety.”

            There was a part of me expecting the men to burst into laughter, or to turn against me, knowing that I was not really Meixiu. Instead, they all bowed and got to work in their own way. Some planned on staking out the building, some worked on tracing all known shipments within the city from the last week, and some worked on spreading the information to other agents who were stationed closer to the area.

            I returned to my bedroom and looked in the mirror with an awkward but undeniable smile. Maybe I am a damn good spy, I thought. Taking the guise of Meixiu, using her men to clear my name, I can return to the CIA and to my normal life with… My smile turned into a scowl. What was I thinking? My normal life of being a bureaucratic white man? The thought physically nauseated me. Later that day, I ordered one of my men to bring Mao to me. I asked him a lot of questions. He confirmed what I had feared the most, that it would be impossible to undo the work of the nanobots that caused this. He also told me that my partners were less angry with me after he had spoken to them, but my presence was still going to be demanded soon.

            Feeling vulnerable with all of my questions and uncertainty, I was too afraid to ask Mao about the memories I had been developing. Memories of being Meixiu in the past. As he left that evening, he reassured me that I had infinitely more power and loyalty in the Chinese-American mafia than I could ever imagine. I unwinded with a long, soothing bubble bath that night, still captivated with how smooth and sensitive my body was as I lifted a soapy leg into the air. I kneaded my breasts and thighs thinking about how good a real boytoy would feel inside of me…then I thought about how I would never be able to sleep with Katy again. What if we could still make it work? I thought, picturing us in bed together and fooling around. My arousal died down. I missed her so much, but she couldn’t sexually excite me anymore.

            The next few days flew by. I had to maintain a strong, confident image as I met with Meixiu’s criminal partners, ensuring them that my heroin production would resume as normal within a week. I had Mao by my side who was able to answer any questions that I couldn’t, and I was always trailed by a least a few bodyguards. When confronted with rudeness, my instincts had me snap back. I carried a small knife on my hip that I drew a few times out of frustration, which most of them seemed to like. That pissed me off even more – as if they were looking down on me like a dog performing a trick. Nevertheless, they were important contacts and were contributing to my overwhelming amount of wealth. I hoped that there would come a day where I could cut some of them off – literally. I spent an extravagant amount of money on luxuries to cool off after each day. I had my original car scrapped and replaced it with a few sports cars. I had my men begin to work on closing deals on new houses and mansions in New York, and I dumped tens of thousands into new clothing and jewelry. I thought I was pushing the limits of possibility beyond belief, but in reality, all of these expenses didn’t even put a dent in my wealth. The amount of control I had was unfathomable and intoxicating.  

            One day, my men brought me some good news. They threw a man at my feet holding a briefcase. I noticed a lot of unnatural puncture wounds on his arms. “Shao Meixiu…” the man groaned, slowly getting up to kneel on one knee. He presented the suitcase with all of the tools I had original messed with.  I grabbed it as the man looked up to me. It was Felix from the CIA, the hero who had landed the killing blow against Meixiu. A torrent of emotion swept through me. Anger, shock, confusion. “Explain yourself,” I demanded, placing a hand on my hip, ready to defend myself with a knife if needed.

            Felix chuckled. “I guess you wouldn’t know everything. It’s true, I killed Meixiu because I was designated to be the next Meixiu. I was one of your best men, and I admired and idolized you. My impatience got the better of me, and for that, I sincerely apologize. It will not happen again, should you designate me as your successor.” I swallowed hard. With every unbelievable thing that had happened to me within the last two weeks, this was somehow ranked highly among them. I spoke after a pause: “What’s to prevent you from committing treason again, my dear?” “The means,” he replied with a cough. “Something else you might not know, but the nanobot technology is constantly being updated. Mao will take blood and egg samples from you after your first menstruation, which may take a few extra months to begin. New nanobots will be made. The ones in your bloodstream have probably exited and self-destructed by now. If you were to die before that happens, well…it would be the end of Shao Meixiu. And I would never want that.”

            The room was quiet with tension so heavy that it could’ve been plucked from the air. “Stand up,” I commanded. Felix did as he was told, then said, “I’m bringing you the full truth in hopes that I may regain your trust, madam. I have learned from my mistake, I assure you.” Another long pause passed before I gave him a second command: “Turn around.” The clacks of my high heels against the marble floor echoed through the foyer as I approached him. With one swift motion, I drew my knife and slit his throat, holding his body up by his hair with my other hand. I threw his body forward before the blood had a chance to pool around me.

            “Everyone, attention!” I bellowed. “This is what happens to traitors and liars! Send his body back to wherever it came from with a message. Do you understand?” My men got to work immediately as I returned upstairs to clean myself up. I washed blood off of my arms and bracelets with a smile on my face. I had been thinking about Mao’s words and advice religiously ever since he spoke to me on that first night. It seemed like far too much at the time, but actually living it had opened my eyes. There was truly only one path forward. I was destined to become the next Meixiu Shao. 

            Now that Meixiu’s loose ends had been tied up, I had a lot more freedom physically and mentally. With Mao as my counselor, my heroin business resumed without a hitch, and I only really had to manage things when a strong impression had to be made. Most of the time, I was free to pursue life as I saw fit. Even though the name Meixiu had been in the public eye, almost no one could put a face to her name, which made it effortless to blend into everyday life outside. I had developed strong tastes for spicy Asian cuisine, gymnastics, live theater performances, and sex with strong, tall, and dark Chinese men. After hours, I constantly found myself fantasizing about being dominated in bed, imagining a flawless specimen of a man who could just put me in my place. Of course, no such man existed, and no such man deserved to be on top of me, which is why I was always the dominatrix in reality.

            By the end of my first month, there was no doubt in my mind about how much I had loved becoming Meixiu Shao. I don’t think anyone could’ve disliked being revered as a goddess with limitless wealth and freedom. My only regrets were being unable to be there for Katy and for my original family, so I began a routine where I would send them anonymous cash donations every few months. They weren’t anything crazy, maybe just a few thousands or so. Eventually, Mao had completed the new set of nanobots to ‘back me up,’ as he put it, which means I had to toy around with the thought of having a successor in case of an untimely death. It was a difficult decision. I had a lot of amazing and talented men by my side, but I hadn’t developed a real affinity with anyone specific. Feeling particularly inspired one night, I sat in a leopard-printed chair wearing a tiny outfit that put my gorgeous legs on full display while waiting for my gigolo to arrive, thinking about this decision again. Perhaps, it could be…you?